Hahahaha. Mystery solved! Incidentally, if you are having trouble reading the fine print, it says “Add a little custom intrigue with creamer, toppings, syrups and sweeteners. So fresh it will disappear without a trace.” Custom intrigue! Also, if you put “toppings” on your coffee, you should put toppings in your head (toppings=bullets). This is pretty great, though, if you judge greatness by how much it makes you laugh. The coffee disappears without a trace! Oh neat, detective stuff! From the Examiner:

7-Eleven coffee-drinkers who want to get hot on the trail of the challenge can get a head start with the co-branded “How Holmes Are You?” coffee cup sleeves. The sleeves contain a clue and Web address, which connects consumers to a unique 7-Eleven 221B microsite. Players who successfully complete a fingerprint matching game will earn an exclusive clue to help them solve the mystery afoot within the main 221B experience.

Just to clarify: players who use their coffee cup sleeve as a clue to solve a fingerprint matching game on a specially-branded 7-Eleven website will get an exclusive clue as to what is the larger mystery…of the specially-branded 7-Eleven website?! Perfect. Let me guess! Is the mystery that 7-Eleven is basically just a chain of gas stations that don’t actually sell gas? Did I “solve” it?! What do I win? Half-off a microwave burrito or whatever. One small Slurpo.

This ad might be even funnier:

Good work, 7-Eleven. You really “cracked” the “case” of taquitos and now they have been “put away” forever in people’s “stomachs.”

Excuse me, where are your clues? I’m starving and I want to eat garbage!

Comments (48)
  1. Get a Clue: Our Restrooms Are Awful!

  2. I think their faces on the taquito ad say it all.

    RDJ: “I’m hungry.”
    Jude: “Oh bugger.”

  3. I think the real mystery is where did they get hair styling products in the late 19th century? Holmes looks positively Wella-tastic!

  4. “This Christmas, Taquitos will Clash”

    Am I doing this right??

  5. The fact that those “taquitos” resemble exposed rectums really informs me of the prevalence of dysentery in Victorian England. Thanks for the clue 7-11.

  6. maybe it’s a play on “get a few”? because they’re cheap? whatever, i like diarrhea sticks i mean taquitos.

  7. Elementary, my dear churros!

  8. Get A Clue??? More like” Get a Roll of Toilet Paper.
    I think 7-Eleven picked the wrong movie to promote both coffee and taquitos.
    The combination of the two will totally 2012 your stomach for at least a few hours.

  9. One Slurpee Holmes please, Reasonberry flavored. Or Watson Dew Code Red.

  10. People, you are giving the creators of this ad campaign too hard a time. Didn’t we all learn from our youthful experimentation with illicit drugs that Opioids are constipating.

    This looks like four tums worth of relief.

  11. FYI, toppings=whiskey

  12. I heard Moriarty prefers Dunkin’ Donuts.

  13. “Custom Intrigue” sounds like a horrible tip from Mystery the pick-up artist.

  14. Watson YOUR toilet?

  15. 7-11 has the WORST coffee

  16. or they’re changing the name from “go go taquitos” to “clues” …that must be it

  17. I wasn’t aware 7 Eleven was around in the 19th century

  18. If you’re going to tie-in 7-11 Taquitos with a movie taking place in Victorian England, Sweeney Todd would have been a much more apt choice.

  19. RDJ: Strange things are afoot at the 7-Eleven, Watson.
    JL: Excellent!
    RDJ: They appear to be using the Holmes’ legacy to sell cheap swill to morons.
    JL: Bogus.

  20. The twist is that the coffee has actually been dead for the whole movie.

  21. Get A Clue: So good, you won’t want to taQUIT-o. I’ll go-go away now….

  22. I actually kind of love 7-11. I have them to thank for many late-night Gatorade and Flinstones Push-Ups emergency relief missions. Also, here is their description of an exciting new Slurpee flavor! “Beware of thin ice! The Mountain Dew Thin Ice Freeze-flavored Slurpee® drink is sweet and fruity with its pomegranate and dragon fruit flavors.”

    • I must stand behind 7-11 too. Sure, it’s grungey as hell and the guys behind the counter give me inappropriate looks, but it’s the only place in town to buy a decent slushy and GODDAMNIT that’s worth something.

  23. Holmes for the holidays, people. There’s no place like Holmes. Holmes is where the heart is. Set your Holmes on fire.

  24. Mystery: where did all my money go.
    Mystery solved: I spent it all at 7-11. D’oh!

  25. You guys, I think taquitos are called clues in England, you know like lifts=elevators etc. No?

  26. even in their ads that food looks disgusting! Get a clue: you’ll love this movie as much as you love these taquitos

  27. nothing says british detectives like taquitos

  28. “How many meat treats do you see in this advert Watson?”
    “Why, four of course!”
    “And should I be so enticed to ‘Get a Clue,’ how many have I now?”
    “Easy! Three!”
    “Right again, Watson. Now combine the sums.”
    “Good. Now seeing as you are a doctor, could you tell me the resemblance of these meat treats to a certain portion of anatomy?”
    “They resemble nothing more than exposed rectums!”
    “And if I could call on your medical expertise once again, how many exposed rectums do you see?”
    “Add that to the first sum…”
    “And what are we now disposing of our liquid wastes into after indulging in the meat treats?”
    “A grate.”
    “And where shall I use the excess rectum grease?”
    “As always, Holmes. On your hair.”
    “What’s another name for styled hair?”
    “I believe you are trying to get me to arrive at coiffure!”
    “Quite so, but if I am the recipient of the coiffure, I am the coiffee, am I not?”
    “Seven…Eleven…Grate…Coiffee…7-Eleven Has Great Coffee! Mystery Solved! Astounding Holmes, how ever did you…”
    “Alimentary, my dear Watson.”

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