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Let me make something very clear: Michael Jackson’s 3D short film, Captain Eo, which used to be an attraction at Disneyland’s Epcot Center, is easily one of the best 3D short films from an international pop sensation featuring smoke machines and also lazers. It’s great! Back in the ’80s, when I was in my late 40s and trying to piece my life together after a particularly difficult divorce (although none of them have been easy) I would read my Captain EO 3D comic book until I fell asleep. But it’s 2009, now. I’m not a professor of Youth Culture, but I just don’t think children (and make no mistake, DISNEYLAND IS FOR CHILDREN) want to see a dead pop star’s 20-plus-year-old idea of what the future would look like if space was a musical. Even if this wasn’t just a callous cash-grab, which it is (see the cover of this month’s sister publication, Duh It’s A Cash Grab Magazine). But providing children with entertainment they might actually enjoy is no longer Disney’s focus (see: Up). From the HollywoodReporter:

The word from Hollywood is that Disneyland is planning to revive Michael Jackson’s 3D film beginning in January. Heavily influenced by “Star Wars,” the 1986 short film was produced by George Lucas and directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Back in those days, Michael had the money from “Thriller” to make anything happen.

Among the cast: Michael, Anjelica Huston, Dick Shawn — the latter died less than a year after “Captain EO” was released.

“Captain EO” was pulled from Disneyland years ago. But with Jackson’s “This Is It” up to about $220 million worldwide, interest in him is rekindled.

Haha, oh is THAT why interest in Michael Jackson has been rekindled? Because of the documentary about him? No other reason why interest has been rekindled? Could be any number of reasons, probably.

So, just to get this straight, a 24-year-old musical short film in ancient-not-even-anamorphic 3D starring two dead people and Anjelica Houston is supposed to tear children away from their X-BOX 360 on-line multi-player Avatar games? Perfect. I take back what I said earlier. The Disney Corporation’s probably not even thinking about money at this point, they’re just doing it 4 tha kidz!

Comments (26)
  1. I feel David Spade’s tentacles of influence all over this.
    Begone, grave-robbing fiend!

  2. Leave Michael alone! Seriously. Let him alone.

  3. This makes you do this:

    But it makes me do this:

  4. I hope George Lucas doesn’t make them take all of the guns out in the remastering.

  5. Maybe if it were Captain Emo.

  6. Michael Jackson Ate My Balls! haha! remember that?!? It’s still funny right? I know, i know… See? Kids are totally still entertained by old things.

  7. I will bet all my beanie babies it’ll be terribly updated to include appearances from kewl young stars like Usher, Fergie and Pete Wentz. I have my Ughs ready.

  8. Don’t forget, this is the same company that features “The Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster with Aerosmith” at the Disney/MGM Studios. Because that’s what kids love, a ride introduced by the mummified corpse of Steven Tyler.

    • Hey Frank Lloyd Wrong – that’s not a mumified corpse – that’s just what the dude looks like now. Dude Looks Like A Mummy(fied corpse)

    • “Mom I want to go to Disneeeeeeeeey..”
      “Just shut the hell up Susan Jr. It’s for kids anyway. You’re 16 for christ’s sake.”
      “But they have aerosmith rock n roll rollercoaster.”
      “get me a fucking beer.”
      - Marketing

  9. I’m just so tired of all these Captains EO

  10. I can’t be the only one who pretends to hate the always line-less Star Tours at Disneyland but inside is squealing because it’s So Much Fun even though it was created the year I was born.

    Also, I may or may not have signed a petition asking Disney to bring Captain EO back – whoops, I love outdated futures.

  11. I saw Captain Eo as a kid in the 80s. I thought to myself, Wow, that was bad. And I was a kid!

  12. In space, no one can hear you scream (featuring Janet Jackson)

  13. I remember this being like a 3D Wizard of Oz in Jabba’s palace.

  14. The best thing about Captain Eo is that Doug Benon’s high ass is in it. WEED!

  15. I for one am really looking forward to paying a ridiculous amount of money to get into Disneyland to see this film, because apparently stoner comedian Doug Benson is an extra in the final dance sequence, and apparently he’s hard to miss because his dancing can only be described as “going full retard.”

  16. It can’t be any worse than this.

  17. Shamon, now, you got to admit Jacko never looked prettier than he did in this movie. A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Well, until that ill-advised final nosejob tweak.

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