There are two new movie trailers that have popped up over the past couple of weeks and I’m having a really hard time deciding which of them is worse. On the one hand, you have the trailer for Grown Ups, which is basically Old Dogs 2: Dry Cold American Summer. Isn’t it great watching Rob Schneider, David Spade, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, and Kevin James (wait, where did he come from?) back together on the same screen now that they are all millionaires? Neatttttt! Look out for that tree, you lazy millionaire! But then on the other hand, there is the trailer for Jackie Chan’s The Spy Next Door, which is basically The Tuxedo meets Mrs. Doubtfire? Can two terrible movies make the worst movie? Apparently!

Both trailers after the jump. Bet you can’t pick just one! To be the worst of the two! Because of how bad both of them are! It is our generation’s Sophie’s Choice!

Boy, they both really are terrible. I’m going to give the “award” to The Spy Next Door, though, because I at least laughed at David Spade’s “you’re fat” joke. Sorry, Agent Cody Banks’s Dad.

Comments (46)
  1. I feel bad for the effects crew who had to make a giant fake Kevin James to flop into a tree and roll around the forest.

  2. He hits the bad guy with frying pans!

  3. Is Jackie Chan’s character’s name “Bob Ho?” Is that supposed to be a play on “Bob Hope?” Is his boss “Bing Kwahs Bee?” Don’t bother answering me. I can’t hear you over the sound of my eyes screaming from watching that trailer.

  4. “I laughed at David Spade.”
    -Gabe, circa 2009

  5. if any of you reading are in a coffee shop right now, carrie might be upstairs.
    you are cute and wearing glasses.
    it’s time for a vgum hookup.
    don’t be called wilbur.
    come to and see if it’s you!

  6. Old dogs gets some points merely for spawning

  7. Could they have dubbed Manta Ray Cyrus’s (That’s what I call Billy Ray Cyrus) voice in any worse?

    It sounds like he’s in The Voice Over Booth Next Door, if you know what I mean!

  8. I was amazed at the Grown Ups trailer, because it was so chocked full of everything I hate, which is kind of like being a grown up…so I guess in its own big-defeated-sigh kind of way, this film may well be the Gen X answer to “The Big Chill”.

  9. I can’t tell whether Jackie Chan as a househusband or Billy Ray Cyrus as the handler for an international spy is supposed to create more guffaws.

  10. How ’bout no to both?

  11. So Jackie Chan remade The Pacifier?

    • They remake The Pacifier every other year. Its important to Hollywood. Like snorting cocaine off aging hookers with broken dreams. The source of their power.

  12. You know Kevin James is a Grown Ups by is beard. They’ve all come a long way.

  13. the end of the Grown Ups trailer is just them laughing. Just, adults laughing.

    This is going to do so well at the box office its scary.

  14. Wait, slow down, Hoss: Jackie Chan, Billy Ray Cyrus, AND George Lopez, in ONE MOVIE?

    Bring the tarps and mops, AMC Theatres staff. You’ll be cleaning up mind-splosions all weekend.

  15. Gabe, I gotta go all Grammargum on the headline (“kow” needs an n), but I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt because I know your mind grapes must have been in excruciating pain after watching this trash…..this…..TRAILER TRASH

  16. Are you telling me the kid from the Taylor Swift music video is going to try to beat up Jackie Chan at Benihana’s?
    Bitch, please.

  17. So Kevin James is playing Chris Farley?

  18. I don’t know who I pity more: Jackie Chan (guy’s suffering a major backlash in his home country) or the audience for either movie (those poor, poor mediocrity-loving bastards).

  19. Also, that little girl killed a man with a spy weapon and laughed about it. Sick.

  20. I want so badly to believe that these movies were written by one of the actor’s kids, and a studio decided to produce it to make that kid happy. But I know that’s not the case.

  21. The Spy Next Door wins because of the racism

  22. It’s possible my post may overlap it being posted, but does anyone know what happened to the WMOAT today? I’m looking forward to t! Did I miss an announcement of delay?

  23. Man, I have put up with a lot of crappy Jackie Chan movie plots to see him kick various objects at people (I’m looking at you Forbidden Kingdom), but I don’t think I can do this one.

  24. I couldn’t stomach the Jackie Chan trailer after those damn kids ruined his Cosby sweater with that garbage. THAT WAS A NICE SWEATER. DAMN YOU KIDS!!!!

  25. Can you please do a review on the Spy Next Door for Hunt For The Worst Movie base on this trailer?

  26. hmm.. I don’t think jackie chan can make this movie lame enough on his own, lets call up george lopez and the achy breaky heart guy and get them in this movie

  27. this is the best one can say about this movie:

    also, gabe needs to get on the george lopez hate train. Videogum shoulld be all about equal opportunity “comedian”, 10pm talk show host criticism

  28. the spy next door: coming soon summer of 1989

  29. I love when Jewish and Kwanzic people get together. If only the aliens in District 9 had access to Grown Ups. If only. Ah well. Wishes are like mops. They just sit there and look pretty. Wishes are also like sodomy. I don’t think I have to explain that one, you guys!

    Okay bye.

  30. I love when Jewish and Kwanzic people get together. If only the aliens in District 9 had access to Grown Ups. If only. Ah well. Wishes are like mops. They just sit there and look pretty. Wishes are also like sodomy. I don’t think I have to explain that one, you guys!

    Okay bye.

  31. Wow, this is like Sophie’s terrible, terrible choice.

  32. Sometime in the future, we’ll be able to see David Spade do a DirectTV commercial with digital Kevin James after he dies (fat + comedian = early grave) and then we can get another apalogy from his agent while he rests in his hot tub.

    • Since I’m Head of Mathematical Studies at Videogum University today, I’d like to point out that you missed a variable. Fat + (funny)comedian = early grave. Kevin James has a long, unfunny life of swinging into trees and falling down hills to look forward to.

  33. “I’ll see any movie where I can be reasonably assured that somebody unexpectedly gets hit in the groin with something.” – American Viewing Audience

  34. After watching the Grown Ups trailer I couldn’t even imagine how you could say Jackie Chan Presents Spy Kids was worse. Then I watched the trailer. I was so very wrong.

  35. Why does Jackie Chan have to be an international spy ON LOAN to the CIA? Can spies even be loaned? Is that even a thingl?

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